Anger- what a strange emotion. I’ve struggled with it my whole life. I struggle because I remember everything and that is not always a good thing. I often am reckless and use it to keep score and count until I can use the information and win the case. I am a friendship lawyer.
I wish I forgot. I wish I didn’t hold onto every perceived injustice. But it’s this same memory that allows me to remember most small but wonderful moments from a friendship, so if sacrificing one meant losing the other, I don’t know if I would opt out.
But anger should never be viewed like a child’s breath holding contest. Something you do that’s uncomfortable but you hold it to win. I don’t want to be angry. I want to be better at forgiveness, but true forgiveness. Not the forgiveness you give out like candy because it makes you both feel better in the moment.
True forgiveness. Where someone breaks your heart a little bit and you give them the piece they broke off as a gift. You hurt me, but I forgive you, and I trust you, so here’s this piece- guard it better this time.
So I’m working on it. I’m working on learning about what healthy and justified anger looks like but also what healthy and justified forgiveness looks like.
I’m figuring it out.