El.

I saw Troy the other day. Troy who told me his grandmother was sick and he needed $30 to buy her meds.  So I gave him $30.  I saw him walking out of the Royersford Wawa- he held the door for me.

I didn’t say hi.

I saw him, but I haven’t seen you.

It always shocks me that I haven’t seen you yet. It’s been 3 years since I have- a year longer than we were together.  I live now in your hometown- the one you spoke so fondly of every time you put mine down.  I frequent places that I know you do as well. I imagine you in the other train car behind mine, leaving the Starbucks’ line just before I enter it, and getting on the El just before I get off.

I imagine the moment I do see you, hand in hand with your girlfriend (possibly fiancé now, I don’t keep up).  I know it’s coming- I don’t see you, but I feel you near me….your presence, in this city that you always seemed to own.

But, I don’t see you, probably because you’re just a man in a city of thousands, because if you saw me from a distance you would probably walk away, and because who the fuck am I kidding, you wouldn’t be caught dead on the El.

You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore.

One Comment

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  1. blogsbuildingsandboyfriends December 15, 2014 — 8:46 pm

    I once ran into HIM in a city of 1.5 million, in a place I never would have expected him to be. In a city of a few thousand, it’s quite possible. Hopefully you’ll know what to do with yourself when (or if) it happens.

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