I saw Troy the other day. Troy who told me his grandmother was sick and he needed $30 to buy her meds. So I gave him $30. I saw him walking out of the Royersford Wawa- he held the door for me.
I didn’t say hi.
I saw him, but I haven’t seen you.
It always shocks me that I haven’t seen you yet. It’s been 3 years since I have- a year longer than we were together. I live now in your hometown- the one you spoke so fondly of every time you put mine down. I frequent places that I know you do as well. I imagine you in the other train car behind mine, leaving the Starbucks’ line just before I enter it, and getting on the El just before I get off.
I imagine the moment I do see you, hand in hand with your girlfriend (possibly fiancé now, I don’t keep up). I know it’s coming- I don’t see you, but I feel you near me….your presence, in this city that you always seemed to own.
But, I don’t see you, probably because you’re just a man in a city of thousands, because if you saw me from a distance you would probably walk away, and because who the fuck am I kidding, you wouldn’t be caught dead on the El.
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore.